Not According to the Plan

Alright.  So, I have been very slow in starting this blog. Well slow in my terms because I have been telling people I was going to start it since this summer- when I became obsessed with Sue Roweton's blog Life Moves Pretty Fast.  If you are not reading Sue's blog, start.  It is freaking hilarious/informative/and simply the thoughts of a good person.

What has now prompted me to write this blog is a giant amount of shit that just fell on my head.  Not literally, like a bird, but figuratively, like a giant shitstorm that I am caught in the middle of like a doughnut hole.  And I recognize that they are not terribly tragic circumstances, but it is life altering and I am having to make some difficult decisions that most 20 year olds do not have to make, especially on the career front.

So, what is this crazy problem, that has created a whirlwind of drama for Ricky F. Nebel, II?  Well this summer I was offered the amazing opportunity to dance at the Magnus Midwest Ballet Intensive.  Considering I only starting studying ballet seriously a year and a half ago, this seemed an amazing opportunity I could not have asked for.  But the first raindrops of shit from the ensuing storm began to fall, when I fractured one of my metatarsals in the first week, but was offered a spot to come to Portland and dance with the Portland Festival Ballet.

Fast forward three months, a whole lot of situations that at the time were terrible, and I am now choosing to deem funny, if not hilarious, and we find me having just finished my 'last' appointment with my Orthopedic Doctor, Dr. Hicks- who coincidentally is extremely cute.

I am told that I can either go start dancing if there's no pain, and if pain starts see what is available so I don't refracture, or jump the gun on nature and put a screw over the fracture now, meaning another 2-3 weeks of boot time and then dancing.  What we find is that this tall, strike that very tall, dancer has a fracture that has not completely calcified.  Which means it may not be safe to dance on for 8 hours a day.  Huh.  Well.  Awesome.  Considering I am planning on making the 32 hour drive tomorrow.  (I've been trying to figure out how to do it one day. For some reason I just can't fit those extra 8 hours into one...  Maybe I'll blog about it.)

But blah, blah, blah Ricky and his acting training have made him a crier.  Not a public crier.  Because I hate crying, but just a couple tears and a trembling lip ont he drive in my car, Alexander Michael.  I was just overwhelmed by the fact that nothing I had been planning had gone accordingly.  What the HELL!?  I had made an appointment to work with my amazing Voice Teacher Dr. Chris Thompson, who has, quite literally, changed my life absolutely.  He is a master of the no bull-shit, this is how it is, make it work, no feeling sorry for yourself, suck it up and be happy pep talks.  But his particular brand always makes you understand better what you were already thinking, he just puts it into words, and affirms that you are powerful, and beautiful, and worth effort.  If I ever become a teacher, I will try to emulate his ability to make me feel loved, even when he's kicking my ass.

So. My thoughts:

1. I'm going to go to Portland tomorrow.
2. I'm going to train as hard as I can, being as safe as I can.
3. I'm going to kick my own ass, and not let pity start seeping onto the wonderful canvas that is my mind
4. Love life, and the amazing gift I have been given, (i.e.- this amazing scholarship, salvation, a body, the ability to move, and cheesecake. [It's a gift everybody, start eating that shit up.])

So. Everything hasn't gone to plan.  I'll just change the plan.  I'm good at that right? RIGHT? Missouri has given me the most beautiful fall day as a send off.  My favorite kind of day.  The days that I dream about.  And I am going to do things that I have been dreaming about.  Life is my gift. Not death. I'm not a slayer.* My blog is going to be my candid thoughts on what I am thinking in my 20th year onward..  I don't care who reads it, I don't care what they think, I'm doing this for me.  Read, enjoy.  Or read, and hate it.  Because I'll be over here. Not caring.

*This reference is from Buffy.  If you have not watched and are in love, it is going to be a long road for you and this blog.