Oh, The Place I Will Go...

Alright people.  I suck at keeping myself up with things like this.  But here we are.  I think at least making it within the same rough time period is going to be an accomplishment here at the beginning.  So, let's get everyone caught up to the same place that the rest of the book club is at.

The last post happened the day before I started out on the drive I would soon learn is absolutely HELLATIOUS when done alone.  Who knew that 33 hours was a crazy long drive to do by your lonesome? Oh. Wait. Err-body knew that.  Except for this dumb-ass.  Alright. Alright. I made it blah blah blah; I had a lot of time to think on my own blah, blah, blah.  Things happened and stuff got done.  I'll give some of the highlights.

After making a mad dash to have my oil changed as early as possible putting me two hours behind when I thought I would leave, I had basically 2/3 of my life packed into my lovely maroon Element, Alexander Michael [which if you have never driven in my car with me, is pronounced "Alec-sahnder Meech-i-ell"]; and of course I forgot to take a picture of  it because I am not a linear thinker all the time. But I had my send off with Rachel, my oldest sister- Hollaback Girl!- and headed to Bolivar to hug my other sister, Lydia, one last time as we had agreed I would do the night before.  I also had a surprise in mind.

 This is what greeted me.  Lydia had delved in to her very low funds, as all of us are finding ourselves these days, and had proceeded to get me everything I needed for a roadtrip, once more demonstrating the wonderfully clairvoyant ability she inherited from my mother in the gift of giving. I'm amazed by the way she can just know what to give and find joy in it all the freaking time.  I'm trying to emulate, but we are two very different people.  So there we are.

I then proceeded to surprise my mother at Bolivar High School.  We had one of our classic discussions that while supposed to last 10 minutes ends up being and hour and a half, and no one gives a damn because we needed it.  Tears, and encouragement, and one last hug that left mascara on my cerulean jacket that I didn't even care was there.

And not to be left out, one side track, my brother and lovely sister, Jonathan and Jayme, gave me a send off of equivalent happiness the weekend before.  Jayme and I worked together to surprise Jonathan for his Birthday with ME! (28, you damn old geezer. Where's your cane?) We had an extremely fun weekend that was fraught with giggles, hearty chuckles, and my distinctive silent laughter that everyone always thinks is so funny until I can't breathe.  I had so much good food there that I am also trying to gain Jayme's ability to make even an eater like me enjoy Vegetarian Time!

I thought one last glimpse of the town Court House would be appropriate, and sentimental without being weird...

So, I'm on the road. Finally.  I had consulted multiple different map services to see which way would be best.  They all suggested up through Nebraska, through Wyoming, Utah, and Idaho to then cross Oregon.  Well, I don't know if everyone in the whole blessed world knows this, but I frickin' LOVE mountains.  And I was not passing up a chance to be this close without getting up close an personal.  Of course, that was before I set out exactly 4 and half hours after I had planned.

I make it to Iowa without incident, and then, if everyone remembers the shit storm analogy, it all started again.  So I-5 is closed in a couple different sections.  But this is Iowa. So there are no other options.  But I am still doing fine.  Until I get to the last possible chance for exit, and I take it expecting a detour.  I get up the ramp, and the guy looks right in to my eyes.  So, naturally I use the universal sign language I am fluent in and pointed down both directions with my eyebrows raised.  What does the guy do? He shrugs.  HE SHRUGS! So, in my head I'm like "What the hell? If you don't know where the hell I'm supposed to go, and I sure as hell don't know where to go, then where the hell am I supposed to go? So I choose the right after much deliberation and two U-turns, and catching a couple words of the directions he was giving another guy.  Literally I heard "left, down, go." But in my head that was a full on invitation to head on.  Idiot. I'm an idiot.

This leads to two hours driving around in SW Iowa.  I find myself on three different gravel roads in the middle of Corn fields.  Very far cry from the Interstate that I knew was safe.  And paved.  But ce' la vie. I finally break down when I have driven around the same 10 mile radius twice and have been instructed by my trusty, and by trusty I mean crazy, GPS Patricia with an English Accent (except when she's on American accent, then she's Amanda- and here's a little tid bit: Patricia is a BITCH!)  to go down a road that has a sign "This is a Type B impassable road.  Enter at your own risk." And I was absolutely like "HAIL NAH!" So I pulled this terrible K turn that put my back bumper in the corn and zoomed out.  I decided to call 911 in desperation.  She used my phone to track me, and gave me hurried instructions because it was 911 and they were busy. Duh. I didn't understand a word she said except for the two towns she told me to make it to to find the next Interstate.  Also, during this call the original guy that I heard 3 words of his directions pulled up beside me and asked what I was going to do.  I told them to follow me with as much confidence as I could muster, and by the time I was pulling onto the Interstate, I was leading about 6 cars.  Needless to say I had made a lot of calls during this time.

Finally I am driving across Nebraska, which is not the most boring state I've ever been taken across, but it's not ranking very high.  So, now I'm 6 hours behind where I had thought I would be! That's a lot of time missed, and I'm starting to get tired.  I worked my best to stay awake, but inevitably lost like a loser in a room of glass cleaner, and after some counsel from my mother got a room at hotel that happened to be in a town that was having a giant car show, so the only room I could get was a King Size. There was a couch, and a full bathroom, and all these amenities that were completely wasted on me due to the fact that I was crashing there for 6 hours.  FML.. But the next morning I totally stuffed 4 pastries, 3 muffins, 2 rolls, a water bottle, and 2 and a half cups of coffee in every inconspicuous place to take with me.  Classy.  On the road again, I decide to forgo Denver, and view the mountains from afar.  I have a schedule to keep after all.  So Wyoming it is.

One thing I'll say for Utah- It's like a recession isn't even happening.  Everyone was driving GINORMOUS SUV's and gas was hella-expensive.  They also don't use 87 gas.  Only having driven for about 5 years, and granted I have done a ton of driving for a 20 year old guy (Thanks momma!) I had never encountered this problem before. It went from 85 to 88 to 92.  What the hell kind of intervals are those.  Oh well. I dug through my very stuffed car, found my manual, and it says 97 or higher.  Fine.  Doesn't matter that it is 20 cents more expensive.  Ugh.  And let's not even talk about the fact that choosing between the two different gas stations that were a block and half from each other took 30 minutes just to get across all the traffic. Yeah.  Utah- the environment is crying in your general direction right now...

But here I am.  Alive and kicking. Literally kicking. I am here for ballet after all.  And somehow I did the math wrong, or rather, Patricia did the math wrong, and I got here two hours earlier than I had thought was possible. HOORAY!  I will upload another post about the adventures I have had here so far.  It's gonna be good.  I am happy to say that I am missing Missouri.  There is something to the fact of knowing where everything is, and whether you can turn right on a red light or not... I've been saying yes. Even if it's not. Everybody else is doing it.  I think I'm safe... Let's hope, because no one is coming to bail me out...