Stop. Breathe. Life is Beautiful.

Here we are people. January 25.  Once I again, I realize I have not posted for a while, but contrary to last time, I will not be apologizing.  So there.  I just didn't.  Even thought I wanted to, and tried to, and thought about.  But the road to an unwritten blog is littered with coulda, woulda, tried-tas.  But I'm here now.

So a little update on the life.  We started our semester out January 3rd, but I got the first week of January off to return home and see the family.  I also used that time to get my MSU affairs in order.  I did so enjoy going home.  It is nice to have a place where I am always wanted, and regardless of the product, my hard work is always met with profound enthusiasm and wonder.

I will now digress to a small anecdote about my work.  I now have two jobs.  One at Portland Dancewear, from which I use my payment to buy dance clothes, and pay for gas. The real money maker is as a Host at Gustav's German Pub and Grill.  My manager there requested that I stay to work the week after Christmas, which started the 2 days after the completion of the Portland Festival Ballet's Nutcracker. (Click here to check out where I am dancing.) But when the schedule was finally released, I found that I was not on the schedule at all.  Well, awesome.  I had already purchased tickets for the first week of January, and while I could have maybe finagled a change in flights, it was a lot of hassle.  So, what did I do?  I groveled and begged for any shifts that my coworkers were willing to cough up.  I ended up getting 6 in 4 days, which was also the way I was able to afford to go home, while finding myself in the inevitable student slump of finances that happens at the end of every semester, coinciding with the winter holidays, and the summer break.  Awesome.  MSU, you need to figure out a different way to do Financial Aid dispersal.  Be that as it may, I got shifts, made money, and flew home; my family kindly pushed back our Christmas traditions for my late arrival.  We did my grandmother's Christmas on the 1st, the day I flew in, and my personal family's Christmas on the morning of the 2nd.  My entire family was able to come, which I can't remember happening for a few years.  What a blessing.  Also, my extended family (my Great-aunt [the daughter of my Great-grandmother]'s side all came over as well, which put almost 40 people in the house.  It was very pleasant.  Reminded me of my childhood.  This is where I would #family drama if this were twitter.  Which it is not. Once again- I digress.

I had three very fruitful conversations with three of my artistic mentors.  Dr. Chris Thompson, Ms. Jana Anderson, and Mrs. Ashley Paige Romines.  They all three offered me good advice for when I returned to the hair pulling insanity that I turn my ballet training into.  If you three read this. I'm trying.  But you know me, and I am hard on myself.  The gist of these conversations was that I can just be here.  I can just be in Portland having experiences.  I don't have to be firguring out every step I'm going to take over the next 5 years, and just train.  With no pressure of succeeding or failing.  Neither of those exist here.  Which is a tree that is extremely difficult to see in the forest that is Ballet.  I get so hurt from ballet because I want it very badly.  And it continuously seems like I don't have what it takes to get to where I have to be to do what I have to do to get the job that I want to finally be able to create on stage.  But there's no faking it in ballet.  And there's no skipping steps.  One cannot skip steps , because each step is necessary in the progression of ballet technique.  And I'm late. Blech.

My two last notes are: I hate learning French online.  I would like it if I were in a classroom, with a teacher, and the reinforcement that comes with face-to-face learning.  But I'm not, and it is making me resent the language.

And watch this video.  I am addicted.  This is the exact kind of dancing I want to do, and have forever to go until I can do it.

But it is an image of where I want to go.

For now, I'm using this mantra-

Stop.
Breathe.
Life is Beautiful.
I want to do this.
I can do this.